


What you mean to me

by AnjaWritingsx



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Crying, Hurt No Comfort, I love Raphael, M/M, Magnus Bane & Luke Garroway Friendship, Magnus Bane & Raphael Santiago Friendship, Magnus Bane & Simon Lewis Friendship, Maybe a liiitle bit of comfort?, Not written explicity, Really bad angst, Sad Ending, Supportive boyfriend Alec, Swearing, and this fucking hurt to write, but just to be sure, it's implied - Freeform, no happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-18
Updated: 2017-11-18
Packaged: 2019-02-03 23:41:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,771
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12758646
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnjaWritingsx/pseuds/AnjaWritingsx
Summary: “Raphael. You don’t have to do this.’’ Magnus said slowly, his hands lifted up in a manner of self defense. He was staring at the vampire with cautious eyes. He had no idea how they ended up here like this but he knew that Raphael had nothing to do with this.





	What you mean to me

Magnus sat numbly on the couch, absentmindedly petting Chairman Meow in long strokes as he stared out in front of him. He could hear the rush of the late night traffic going on down below on the streets, the lights of the various lanterns and houses where the light was still on lighting up the city in the late hours of the dark night. Chairman Meow purred loudly, his eyes slipping closed as tiredness washed over him.

Magnus´ unstyled hair flopped into his eyes. With a sigh he pushed his fringe to the side, his make-up free face looking tired. But he couldn’t sleep. He kept being haunted by these nightmares of what happened. Without him even wanting it too his mind drifted off to two days ago.

__“_ Raphael. You don’t have to do this.’’ Magnus said slowly, his hands lifted up in a manner of self defense. He was staring at the vampire with cautious eyes. He had no idea how they ended up here like this but he knew that Raphael had nothing to do with this._

_Raphael held a dagger in his shaking hands, aiming at Magnus with uncertainty. “I-I need to.’’ He choked out. Tears started brimming in the clan leader’s eyes, causing Magnus to frown. “If I don’t then he’ll-’’_

_“Go on then.’’ Magnus whispered. Raphael froze. “If this is what needs to be done. I don’t know why. But you know I’d do anything to protect you. Even if it means sacrificing myself, Raphael. I don’t care what happens to me.’’_

_Raphael stared at the high warlock with wide eyes. Then, with a clang, the dagger hit the ground as it fell from his hand and Raphael sped towards Magnus. He threw himself in his arms as all his walls came crushing down. Magnus wrapped his arms around the shaking vampire, the brave leader he once was had disappeared. It reminded Magnus of the time he had been bitten and felt alone and scared._

_“Rapha.’’ Magnus whispered as his heart broke for his basically adopted son. “What’s going on?’’_

_“He wants me to kill you, papa.’’ Raphael hiccuped. “He tortured me when I refused too at first. He said he’d kill me and my clan very slowly if I didn’t do as he said. I-I can’t do it. I couldn’t ever hurt you, papa. Please make it stop.’’_

_“Oh Raphael... what are you talking about?’’_

_Raphael went back to grab the dagger he had dropped and stared at it for a second. He then lifted his gaze to meet Magnus’ and offered him the dagger. “Stab me.’’_

_Magnus felt like he couldn’t breathe. “Raphael. Have you lost your mind!? I will not stab you. We will get through this.’’ He cupped his hands around his cold face. “We are going to get out of this. You and I. We can do anything when we’re together.’’_

_Raphael sniffled. “Only one can leave this place alive. And it’s not me-’’_

_“Raphael stop saying that-’’_

_“I don’t want it to be me, Magnus.’’ Raphael interrupted him sternly. “I- I have had a good life. I am forever grateful for all you have done for me. I-’’_

_“Stop!’’ Magnus yelled with tears in his eyes. He didn’t want to hear this. “ ** **Stop****  giving up on yourself! Don’t you think they are looking for us? They will find us and get us out in time. I promise.’’_

_“This will not stop, papa.’’ Raphael said softly. “Please... I am begging you. Do it for me?’’_

_“Listen to me, there must be something that will keep you fighting for your life. What about the clan?’’_

_“They’ll be fine without me.’’_

_“And what about Simon?’’_

_Raphael paused, closing his eyes in defeat. “Tell him I love him. I always have.’’ His voice cracked as he continued. “And that I am sorry I never told him. That I didn’t know how to tell him.’’_

_“Rapha...’’ Magnus croaked out helplessly._

_Right then the door was slammed open and Sebastian entered. His eyes were dark and had a dangerous glint to them that send a shiver down Magnus’ spine._

_“What a lovely reunion this is.’’ Sebastian chuckled humorlessly. “I almost feel bad for breaking this up. Santiago,’’ Raphael froze. “I thought I gave you a mission. Why is he still alive?’’_

_Raphael hissed angrily at Sebastian. “Because I’d rather get my throat slid then be hurting someone who is like a father to me!’’_

_“That can be arran-’’_

_Just then the familiar sound of a portal being opened was hurt and the three watched with stunned eyes as portal opened behind Magnus. Sebastian’s eyes darkened even more and he took his seraph blade out._

_“You son of a bitch.’’ He glared at Magnus. “You will not get out alive I sw-’’_

_Just before Sebastian could even finish that sentence, Raphael had hissed once again and rushed at him with full speed. The two tumbled to the ground and Raphael somehow managed to throw the seraph blade out of his hand. Magnus had been frozen on the spot and was watching the two struggle so intently that he didn’t even hear someone coming through the portal. It was only when he felt two hands wrap around his upper arm that he noticed the others presence._

_“Magnus!’’ His boyfriend said and tugged on his arm. “We have to go!’’_

_“No-’’ Magnus struggled, fear evident in his voice and movements as he watched Sebastian get the overhand on Raphael. “ **Raphael**!’’ He cried out desperately._

_The last thing he saw was Raphael flashing him a sad yet relieved smile and heard him whisper “I love you, papa’’ before he was tugged into the portal._

_He had been in hysterics ever since he arrived home, begging Catarina and Dot to help him and portal him back. He needed to save Raphael, even if deep down he knew it was already too late for the clan leader. The thought didn’t sink in until the moment Lily and Stan had arrived at his door with a sad, empty look in their eyes. It was then only that he let himself fall down to the ground, body quivering and pained cries escaping his lips as he mourned the loss of a son._

Magnus blinked when he heard the sound of bare feet patting around the apartment.

 _ _“__ Magnus.’’ Alec whispered softly as he sunk down next to his boyfriend on the couch, wrapping an arm around his shoulders. “Here you are. How long have you been up?’’

“A few hours.’’ Magnus shrugged. “I don’t know.’’

Alec let out a tired sigh and rested his forehead against the tan man’s temple. “I know you miss him.’’ He whispered, his other hand rubbing up and down his lover’s thigh in a soothing manner. “And there’s not a moment that goes by I don’t regret not bringing back up so we could help him.’’

Magnus turned slightly and placed a hand on his cheek, stroking the skin there with his thumb. “It’s not your fault, Alexander. I don’t blame anything on you, you know that right?’’

“I know.’’ Alec pressed a soft kiss in his hair. “I just wish I could take all your pain away.’’

“You’re here.’’ Magnus sniffled and leaned against the shadowhunter’s broad chest. He closed his eyes when he felt the strong, warm arms wrap around him. They were like a warm blanket that protected him from the big, bad world. “When you hold me,’’ Magnus’ voice quivered. “It’s feels like everything is going to be alright. It feels as if all my pain disappears, even if it’s only for a second. You make me feel safe, Alexander.’’

Alec clenched his eyes shut and just held him tighter.

* * *

 

“He’s hasn’t left the boathouse once?’’

Luke shook his head. “Not once. Whenever Clary or I come in to talk to him he pushes us away. He doesn’t want to talk to anyone. He just sits there, starring out in front of him. Sometimes when I come home from the police station I hear his cries. I just figured... You were there when-’’ Luke paused and shook his head. “Maybe it helps if you talk to him.’’

Magnus nodded slowly, offering Luke a small, forced smile. “I’ll see what I can do.’’

Magnus turned around and went to walk to the boathouse where Simon kept himself locked up when Luke’s voice stopped him. He turned around and tilted his head questioningly.

“If you ever want to talk about-’’ Luke made a hand motion. “I’m always here. You know that right?’’

Magnus gave Luke another smile, this time more genuine. “I know. Thanks, Luke.’’

He then shoved the door to the boathouse open and walked inside. “Simon?’’

All he heard was a hiss from the corner of the boathouse and ducked out the way when he saw an object being thrown his way that made an almighty ‘clang’ sound when it hit the metal of the door. Magnus sighed and walked further inside.

“It’s just me. Magnus.’’ Magnus said as he approached the small ball in the corner. “I know what you’re going through.’’

Magnus lowered himself next to the curled up vampire and gently pulled him towards his chest. Simon didn’t struggle, he went limp and leaned against Magnus as some more tears rolled down his cheeks and whimpers escaped his lips. He brought one hand up and gripped Magnus’ jacket tightly.

“I miss him.’’ Simon hiccuped. “I miss him so much.’’

Magnus’ own eyes got wet and he let out a shaky sigh, running his fingers through Simon’s hair in an attempt to comfort him. “Me too.’’ He croaked out. “It’s different without him.’’

“It’s empty.’’ Simon agreed sniffling. “Everything feels so empty. Like it’s no use now that he’s gone. I never even got to tell him I-’’ Simon choked on air and buried himself in Magnus’ side as he started crying again.

“He asked me to tell you,’’ Magnus forced out. “He loved you. He loved you so much, Simon. He needed you to know. And he was sorry that he never knew how to tell you.’’

“I love him.’’ Simon sobbed, bloody tears rolling down his face and staining Magnus’ jacket. But Magnus couldn’t find himself to care. “I miss him. I miss him.’’

Magnus held Simon tightly as he buried his face in his hair, tears dripping in the vampire’s hair. Magnus weeped softly, his heart breaking for his friend and himself.

For they had both lost someone they loved. One mourning the loss of a son, the other mourning the loss of someone who was more then their best friend.

**Author's Note:**

> I am so. So. SO. Fucking. Sorry.
> 
> First off, I want to say... IT'S ALL EILEN'S FAULT! HER TWITTER @ IS AWESHUMBANE GO YELL AT HER. THIS IS HER FAULT NOT MINE BYE :(
> 
> Second of all, this hurt so much to write? Like I am not joking I teared up while writing this? That doesn't happen very often...   
> Let's just hope nothing like this will happen in S3 and Raphael will live long and happily ever after.
> 
> ANyways if you want to yell at me you can do it in the comments.  
> Or come yell at me on tumblr; anjawritingsx  
> or come yell at me on Twitter; AnjaxNS
> 
> I can handle it. Yelling helps the coping process of whatever the fuck this was xD


End file.
